Paying College Bills and Remembering 1997

I am breaking a multi generational cycle of abuse and neglect.

I was making notes for my therapist and thought that this would be a good post to share with my followers. Thank you for sticking with me all these years.

Notes for therapy July 11

I paid my first set of college bills for my daughter. I sat there making sure I actually read the invoice line by line, and that’s when I caught the health‑insurance charge. Nine hundred ninety‑nine dollars. I dug in, researched how to waive it, and got it handled. #accomplishment

And it hit me how familiar that moment felt.

It pulled me straight back to 1997. I think I was still 18, brand‑new to college, no roadmap, no one guiding me. My parents weren’t helping me. Father wouldn’t help at all (note he worked for 40ish years as a professor and Associate Dean at the same school), Mother wasn’t exactly equipped for parenting. I had never dealt with university billing before. I didn’t even know if I had health insurance. No one told me. No one explained anything. #lesson-learned

Left to my own devices. Kicked out at 18 with minimum wage employment. I was full time and had two part time jobs. 3 jobs. In the Court Trial of 2022 mother couldn’t classify her employment. She’s a grifter.

That $600 charge back then? I didn’t have the money. It went straight to collections. My Mother opened the mail about it but still didn’t help. It wrecked me mentally, financially, and it destroyed my credit score before I even had a chance to start adulthood.

So yeah, paying my daughter’s bill this week wasn’t just a task. It was a reminder of how different things can be when someone actually shows up for you. #delight #gratitude

My son is now the age when Mother’s physical abuse was the most. For example, Mother hit me in the head with shoes. The physical abuse so so bad that my 6th grade teacher reported her to Child Protective Services in 1990. Most of you have read what happened to me.

I feel close to my sister Courtney (rip) right now. I’m the only Uncle to her child and their half-sibling. Both of my sister’s kids are loved by me and my family. I love seeing my kids with Courtney’s kids.

At the same time, I get sad that these lovely children have 2 Aunts, 2 Uncles and 2 Grandparents that are not welcome in their lives. That is not what “Jesus” taught. I choose the right because I love them. They are my family. I don’t need to sing songs in a Mormon church to feel better about the choices forced upon me.

If there is a heaven, I’ll be there with Courtney, my spouse and kids, my nieces and nephews, my Mom and Dad. Yes, I wrote “mom and dad”. My in-laws took me in. I would not be here without there daughter and their help. They taught me how parents should be. I love them for it.

I am free.

Sometimes still lost, but I am free of my biological family.

-Joseph*